Our Correspondent Lucy Van Pelt Sums Up 2022

 

RedSquirrel Predictions For 2023

Your bushy-tailed correspondent looks into his crystal ball, and sees the following events unfolding in 2023:

Along with 87,000 new I.R.S. agents, The Biden Regime will spend another trillion dollars hiiring non-American illegal aliens, AntiFa terrorists, and BLM thugs to harrass and jail Americans suspected of voting for Donald Trump in 2020.

Senate Democrats will introduce The Nobody Likes A Tattletale Act, imprisoning thousands of government whistleblowers.

Following up on the 2022 atrocious Inflation-Reduction Act, The Respect For Marriage Act, and the Omnibus Budget, The Democrat Senate introduces a $4-trillion project bill to build a huge, plastic hand to slap God in the face.

The CDC will blame the heart attack deaths of thousands of vaccinated 8-year-olds on Climate change.

The Unemployment rate reaches an astronomical 40%. Americans are dying in the streets. The country has become a food desert. Owning a home or renting an apartment becomes prohibitively expensive.......and Joe Biden will say our economy is 'stronger than Hell.'

Historian Micheal Beschloss will write a new book claiming that Donald Trump is the re-incarnation of Hitler. Americans on facebook are suspended and censored for disagreeing with Beschloss's insane, unhinged claims.

While Democrats continue to engage in illegal insider trading and money-laundering, Biden AG Merrick Garland indicts former President Donald Trump on some made-up charge.

Elon Musk announces a new C.E.O. of Twitter. Alex Jones.

Joe Biden's Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre announces the sale of Arlington National Cemetery to the Chinese Communist Government. The Chi-Coms desecrate all of the graves, and strike oil. Resident Biden then begs The Chinese to sell us the oil..

The University of Stanford will ban the use of the English language after determining that it is a product of systemic rascism, sexism, and unacceptable to wokeness. The students and faculty will speak the African Handawe and Hadza language of clicking their mouthes from now on.

Normal Americans complain about Resident Biden's re-imagined mandatory mask mandate, so he introduces his new 'ball-gag' mandate. A Biden judge determines that this does not violate The First Amendment.

Bug-eyed Leftist Adam Schiff resigns his congressional seat, and finds a new job..................in a prison laundry room.

and finally..............

The Minnesota Vikings are 30 seconds away from winning their first Super Bowl, leading The Kansas City Chiefs by 24-21. Suddenly, television viewers recieve a late-breaking bulletin, and the newscasters tell the world that professional football is indeed 'fixed' like professional wrestling. The field refs refuse to let the game end, and they cancel the final 30 seconds. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announces the folding of the league. State Farm Stadium in Glendale Arizona is sucked into a black hole, leaving The Vikes winless in The Super Bowl.

What Is Shwanza?: Dr. Frasier Crane Tries To Explain The Drunken Madness Of Nancy Pelosi

Soon-to-be ex-Speaker Nancy Pelosi spoke to her colleagues in The House chamber last week, and used a non-existent word 'SHWANZA'  Here to try to explain is our resident psychiatrist, Dr. Frasier Crane:

Thank you, RedSquirrel. Hello, I am Dr. Frasier Crane, and I am listening.

Yes, soon-to-be former Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) used this word Shwanza. She was wishing her colleagues well, and trying to be 'inclusive' to multiple religions and traditions. Somehow, she mentioned this non-existent holiday 'Shwanza'. PERHAPS this non-existent holiday DOES exist, and that we just didn't know of it's existence. 

Perhaps she just made a Freudian slip, or this supposed holiday IS A REAL HOLIDAY. It sounds like she was trying to combine the words 'Shvantz' and 'Kwanzaa'. Shvantz is a Yiddish word, meaning 'penis,' and Kwanzaa is a fake holiday for African-Americans opposed to Christmas. Kwanzaa was created by a Black Communist.

My, this is starting to sound like a holiday that would be celebrated by a Cultural Marxist! We may be getting somewhere!

Perhaps, Nancy wanted to insult The American People one last time before she has to give up her huge, over-sized Speaker's Gavel. She was probably lashing out, thinking that she desired to desecrate Christmas by wishing everyone a 'happy fake holiday' like Kwanzaa , but was thinking about her 'sexually adventurous' husband Paul, so she accidently said  'Shwanza'.

Chances are, Nancy was slurring her speech because she was drunk, as she is much of the time. It is well-known that she is a full-fledged alcoholic, shit-faced to the core. As bad as her drunkedness is, she is even MORE drunk on power. She must make a fortune from her insider trading, so I am sure she can afford all the booze she could ever want.

I would send her to DETOX.

Extreme leftists like Mrs.Pelosi have this need to change ANYTHING that is considered 'traditional' and attack what is 'normal'. I hope that she and her Democrat colleagues don't ever try to cancel Christmas and replace it with Shwanza. With this out-of-control government, it wouldn't surprise me if they try.

According to some, Nancy Pelosi has an unclean spirit living inside her head. Perhaps someone should hire an exorcist to deal with this, although I would prefer some extensive electroshock therapy for Nancy.

I would like to conduct some Rorschach tests with Nancy. I remember when The Clintons used to hang condoms on their White House Christmas tree. In her congressional district (San Francisco), residents are 'free' to publicly shoot drugs into their veins  and defecate on the sidewalks. 

I find it interesting after they emptied the mental asylums and turned San Franciscointo a sanctuary city, she was elected to Congress.

Well, that's it for this session. Have yourselves a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I wish good mental health to you and yours!

I am Dr. Frasier Crane, and I am listening!

An RSR Exclusive: Santa Is In A Foul Mood

Your bushy-tailed correspondent stepped into Mrs. Claus's kitchen as she baked a batch of Gingerbread cookies. She sighed, and warned me about her 'Big guy'.

She told me that whatever I do, don't bring up Biden or The F.B.I., for those bastards in D.C. have been incredibly naughty. Santa has been in a very foul mood since Biden stole that election, and it's gotten even worse in the last year. He hasn't been eating and he doesn't get nearly enough sleep.

Mrs. Claus told me that he just spends his time in his office, yelling at the toyshop foreman like Clark W. Grisworld's boss Frank Shirley in that Christmas Vacation movie.....

'RE-TOOL????!!!!! I'LL RE-TOOL YOU!!!!!!!'

 Santa has a large dartboard of Joe Biden in hus office. He spends hours thowing darts.........

And so, I slowly entered Santa's spacious North Pole office. Mrs. Klaus wasn't kidding. I was shocked to see how much weight he had lost. I cleared my throat, and asked him if this was a bad time for an interview. He ho, ho, hoed, but it sounded forced.

After I asked him how he REALLY felt about this Christmas, he poured his anger out:

THAT CORRUPT, SENILE JERK-OFF BIDEN IS GETTING A REINDEER TURD IN HIS STOCKING!!!!! He is making America a third-world banana republic!

It breaks my heart to know about all those everyday American patriots rotting in his gulags because they proitested the stolen election. 'Insurrectionists' MY ASS!!!!

As for that corrupt, insider-trading hosebag Nancy Pelosi and her homo husband, I'm sending them a sealed indictment!

I know who's been naughty, and I know who's been nice. Bitches......

I'M SENDING CAROL-SINGING GREMLINS TO ALL THOSE MONEY-LAUNDERING CRAPSTAINS IN CONGRESS!!! ALL THOSE JERKS WHO VOTED FOR THE $1.7 BILLION OMNIBUS BILL  HAD BETTER WATCH OUT!!! IF I COULD, I WOULD SEND DEMONS TO THEIR FRONT DOORS!!!!

On the other hand, a lot of good Americans will be getting guns under their Christmas tree. Thank God for The Second Amdndment. Merry Christmas to you........

That is all.

Havnagootiim Vishnu Urheer Has Some More Profound Questions

Havnagootiim Vishnu Urheer returns with much on his mind, and many questions to ask:

Why does a politician spend $100 million dollars to win a job where the yearly salary is $174,000? No wonder why They're so corrupt with their insider trading and money laundering.

Why do the vaccinated blame the unvaccinated when the vaccinated get sick, even when the unvaccinated didn't even get sick? When you have the flu, do you curse everyone without the flu?

How in Heaven's name did John Fetterman get elected? Are the voters in Pennsylvania on drugs?

Why do they call Twitter  a 'social media' site when so many on it are so ANTI-SOCIAL????

What is with backward world Washington D.C.? The corrupt government prosecutes the innocent and normal, everyday citizens are imprisoned while violent criminals run wild.

Why do libs support violent murderers and THEIR'rights' while at the same time they fight to kill innocent unborn babies? That one makes my bald head hurt.

Why does the woke crowd call America 'RACIST', while people with Black skin, Brown skin, and Yellow skin are all trying to get in? That one still has me quite perplexed.....................

Why was Aunt Jamima, Uncle Ben and the pretty Land-o-Lakes girl banished from the grocery store shelves, along with baby formula?

And finally, 

What is wrong with you Americans? You elected the dumbest, most senile, most corrupt dingleberry amognst you as your 'leader'?????!!

I must take a nap. All these questions tires the mind...........

Twas A Month Before Christmas, (When Elon Musk Bought Twitter)

The Clement Clarke Moore poem was 55 lines. I decided on 21 lines because I'm a little lazy:

Twas A month before Christmas, and all thru the house of Twitter

The leftist censors were panicking and getting quite bitter

Musk was determined to make social media more fair

For the blue-check libs, it was more than they could bear

To The Babylon Bee this news sounded just fine

As visions of free speech danced in their minds

Musk turned on the light, and the Twitter cockroaches scurried

He exposed The Hunter Biden story they had buried

For $44 billion Elon bought a crime scene

Twitter and the government colluded, and that was just mean

Elon brought back accounts that were suspended

All this free speech left the cancel cultists quite offended

Even Donald Trump's account was re-activated

 but we still wonder why was his Mar-aLago home raided? 

Elon Musk dealt harshly with  the child porn creeps

and re-activated the accounts of normal, everyday tweeps

He fired the lawyers and the dead weight were given pink slips

as the unhinged leftist Twits quickly lost their grips

He found that Twitter colluded with The F.B.I. and C.I.A. crooks

while the networks news refused to take a look

So, Merry Christmas to you who had their accounts suspended

Thanks to Elon Musk, your suspension will soon be ended

Top Ten Things More Important Than Biden Visiting The Southern Border

So, The Neck Sniffer visited Arizona this week, and a journalist asked him if he plans to visit the Southern border. The relentlessly corrupt, senile Biden said 'No. There are more important things (than border security).'

From the home office in Bovey, Minnesota, here are The Top Ten Things More Important Than Securring Our Borders':

10. Congratulating Katie Hobbs on her governor's race 'well-stolen'

  9.  Laundering another $50 billion

  8. Punishing people who work for a living

  7. Accepting money from drug kingpins 

  6. Eating an ice cream cone

  5. killing unborn babies

  4. Brittney Griner

  3. Throwing Donald Trump and all his supporters in prison

  2. fighting 'disinformation'

  1. nano nono, I don't know