Raul Takes Barry Out To The Woodshed, Then To A Ball Game

Wow, now that was a productive trip....for Raul Castro.

After schooling our 6-year-old president on all the evils of freedom, democracy, and capitalism during a press conference in Cuba, their brutal Communist dictator Raul Castro took Barry to a baseball game.

They may have enjoyed some peanuts and popcorn, and maybe some Cracker Jacks, while the terrorized citizens of Brussels, Belgium were collecting 31 dead bodies from the latest Islamo-Nazi terrorist attack on Brussels Airport.

We understand that our 'What, Me Worry?' president has returned the favor, and invited his comrade Raul to a Chicago White Sox baseball game at Kaminsky Field. 

Remember How The Democrats Treated Robert Bork?

It appears that the Republican-controlled Senate may not have a confirmation vote for President Obama's Supreme Court nominee, Merrick Garland. Nearly all of the GOP Senators would rather wait until after the presidential election to confirm the replacement for the late Justice Antonin Scalia.

Your bushy-tailed correspondent believes in fairness, and hopes that The Republicans are just as fair to Judge Garland as the Democrats were to Judge Robert Bork during his 1987 hearings....

Bernie Sanders Needs To Revise His Southern Strategy

Socialist presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has won several Northern states promising free college and healthcare, but Hillary Clinton is winning big in the South.

It appears that Southern liberals like being spoken to in a fake Negro dialect. Maybe Sanders needs to stop sounding so North-eastern, and start speaking like a southern preacher, or begin speaking in Black Jive:

"Ahhh don't feel noways tired. Aaaa've come too faaaar from where Aaah started frum"

In A Sane World....

....our traitorous president would have been physically removed from the White House by now.

....Hillary Clinton would be awaiting trial, not running for president.

....73-year-old socialist Bernie Sanders would be laughed out of the room if he had announced that he's running for president.

....Nancy Pelosi would have absolutely no say in your health care.

....Al Sharpton would be prosecuted for evading taxes, not given his own television program.

....Jews in America would be voting Republican.

....White European women would arm themselves, and that would solve the problem of Muslim rape gangs.

....and The GOP establishment would start listening to it's constituents.

This Just In: Schwarzenegger Endorses Kasich

Yesterday, former California Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger endorsed Ohio Governor John Kasich for president.

We here at RSR are breathlessly waiting for the all-important Hans and Franz endorsement. The announcement will surely pump many voters up.

The GOP Foodfight

You have to admit that this has been the wildest campaign season ever. Donald Trump has been the Bluto Blutarsky of The GOP. Oh look, he just pulled Carley Fiorina's pigtails. Hey, look over there. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is pulling Florida Senator Marco Rubio's pants down.

Texas Senator Ted Cruz points out Trump's record, and now Trump is going to the playground monitor, threatening to sue Cruz. Now, The Donald is sticking a cream pie in Jeb Bush's face. This GOP campaign is a riot!

We haven't had this much fun since The Germans attacked Pearl Harbor (Don't stop me, I'm on a roll). Oh, look at this! Now, Ted Cruz is going Bluto on the always mellow Dr. Ben Carson. He just told unsuspecting voters that Carson is dropping out of the race! It's like the neurosurgeon had an acoustic guitar, and Cruz smashed it.

I propose that the Republican National Convention be turned into a giant toga party, and invite Otis Day and The Knights to perform.

In 2016, all of the energy is with The GOP. While the Democrats feature two, decrepit Socialist Progressive Communists yapping about their failed ideology, the Republicans are owning this election cycle. Just take a look at the TV ratings of their debates.

Hey look, Ted is holding Don's arms, and Marco is giving the billionaire a purple nurple. I wonder if they'll try to stick his face in the toilet.

10 Ways Hillary Clinton Can Still Out-Commie Bernie Sanders

It appears that Socialist candidate Bernie Sanders is gaining on supposed front-runner Hillary Clinton. In fact, she may be losing.

Here are The Top 10 ways that she can get those ultra-leftist voters back into her camp:

10. Grow a Josev Stalin moustache

 9. Wear a Hammer and Sickle pin on her Mao jacket.

 8. Bang a shoe on the podium.

 7. promise to open FEMA camps by 2018.

 6. Assemble a group of 6-year-old crumb-crunchers to record a creepy song just like Obama did.

 5. promise free healthcare

 4. promise free college

 3. ponies for everyone

 2. promise to have all American businesses nationalized

 1. have some refuseniks gunned down