I Was Away This Weekend

I was away for The 4th of July weekend, and didn't follow the news. Now that I'm back, I want to be up to speed on things:

Before I left, I read that dear leader's EPA commissars wanted to ban fireworks and backyard barbecues. I saw the fireworks in Duluth, Minnesota, so I guess Barry wasn't successful.

Don't hate dear leader for wanting to ban fireworks. I don't think he grew up celebrating America where he's from.

I also read that our soldiers had to celebrate Independence Day on June 3 this year so they wouldn't offend Muslims during Ramadan. I was wondering if the Muslims will be moving some of their holidays to avoid clashing with our holidays. It's only fair.

Also, symbols like the Stars N' Bars were being taken down, and Americans were getting their rights trampled on. President Creepy was flooding America with illegal aliens and pushy Muslims, and he was on an all-out assault on America. I take it that hasn't changed since Friday,

Francis Scott Key wrote our national anthem while watching the British bombard Fort McHenry. Obama and his unhinged leftist friends are bombarding America with lies, government-controlled health care, attacks on free speech, race-baiting, and still more attacks on Christianity and our culture.

I'm not sure if bombardment is the proper term. It seems more like a Blitzkrieg.

I was away this 4th of July weekend. Did President Creepy and his boss Valerie Jarrett take a break from their non-stop attacks on Normal America? I hope he was out improving his golf game. It seems that he does the least amount of damage to our great country while on the golf course.

According To A Recent Poll.....

According to a recent poll, the top 3 douches in America are:


3. Massengill
2. Summer's Eve




1. Barack Obama

#LoveWins.........So Suck On It, Christian Bigots!

Following The Supreme Court's big ruling on same-sex marriage last Friday, supporters took to Twitter, creating the #LoveWins hashtag. Many of us knuckle-dragging social conservatives got to see all the love up close.

The RedSquirrel Report invited same-sex supporter Gavin Longfellow, to share some love with our readers:

Suck it, all you Christian bigots!!! F$## you, and your imaginary friend! SCOTUS has spoken!!

If you support same-sex marriage, today's a great day. If you don't, f$## you!!! You're just a POS!!!

Soon, you will be decorating our wedding cakes. If you don't, we'll drive you out of business!!! If your church refuses to support same-sex marriage, we'll close your doors, you f$##in' BIGOTS!!!

#LoveWins : )

What Should Donald Trump Do Next?

Following GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump's truthful assertion that many illegal aliens commit crimes in America, NBC severed ties with him. They hold on to proven liars like Brian Williams and race-baiters like Al Sharpton.

As the creep in the White House floods the country with millions of criminal illegals, it's offensive to tell the truth in Obamanation. NBC's idea of covering the news is holding a pillow over it's face until it stops moving, making sure that news harmful to Dear Leader is smothered.

I would like to see Trump take his Celebrity Apprentice franchise to one of NBC's competitors. He should make next season into a search for his running mate. That would be ratings gold.

With Celebrity Running Mate, The Don could choose among 12 patriotic celebrities such as John Rich, Brett Michaels, and Trace Adkins. Technically, Gene Simmons cannot be President because he was born in Israel, but I would like to see him in this competition.

Trump can send these celebs out on tasks, such as fundraising and voter outreach. Each week, he could call the celebs who perform poorly into his boardroom, and fire him or her.

They say that many Americans see voting for a president is a lot like voting for contestants on American Idol, and that Barack Obama's voter base see him as a celebrity. Donald Trump is a businessman and celebrity, and now he's a presidential candidate.

Many Americans have found out what a complete disaster Obama is. He's a proven race-hustler, a liar, and an economic illiterate. Yet, to many Americans, it doesn't matter. To them, he's a star.

The Don is a star. Maybe this is how The Republicans can beat The Democrats at their own game.

Future Community Organizers Training In McKinney

Hey there, future community organizers! Do you wish you could be just like your Black President? Have you ever thought how rewarding it would be to cause trouble and be rewarded for it?

Before Dear Leader Obama was President, he started out as a community organizer. A community organizer is an activist who creates change by stirring up trouble. Sounds like fun, doesn't it?

Tomorrow, we'll be in McKinney, Texas, invading a private pool party and confronting the police when they show up. If you're arrested, you could wind up with your own reality TV show or something. Bring your cell phones!

Did you watch the riots in Ferguson and Baltimore, and think, 'Wow, those kids are getting up in those racist cops faces and screaming at 'em....and the police aren't doing anything about it!'

Remember, our wonderful president has sold guns to Mexican drug dealers and trafficked illegal aliens all over America! He has gotten away with committing Treason, and Congress refuses to do anything about it because he is Black! If he can get away with doing whatever he wants, SO CAN YOU!

Just come to McKinney tomorrow, and we'll show those crackers that the future belongs to us!

Rachel Dolezal Inspires A Nation Losing It's Mind

Recently, The President of Spokane's NAACP got into hot water when people realized she was White. Now, many angry Americans are calling Rachel Dolezal (pictured) a fraud.

She identifies as a Black person in America. Lily-White Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren has identified herself as a Native-American to obtain employment on an American university, and Bruce Jenner has moreless re-identified as a woman.

Now, the spray-tanned Dolezal has been forced out at The NAACP. Is this really fair?

Maybe this is just her idea of living the dream as an American. As children, we were told growing up that you can be whatever you want to be.

Personally, I'm inspired by the Rachel Dolezal story. I too am in the process of changing my identity. From now on, I identify as an illegal alien. Now, where's my free health care?

The possibilities are almost endless. Millions of Americans are sick of being abused and insulted by the government. You work and work just to see the government tax you into the poorhouse. For all you poor, over-taxed shlubs out there, I suggest that you re-identify as a cat.

There. Now, you're a cat. You can demand that the government feed you and scratch your chin. You can jump on a bureaucrat's lap and demand that they pet you because you identify as a cat.

Thank you, Rachel Dolezal. You're an inspiration to us all.

A Mattress Girl Update

We were wondering what Mattress Girl Emma Sulkowicz has been up to since graduating from Columbia University. Our roving camera recently caught up with the Visual Arts Major, and sent us THIS:



"I don't need nothing...just this mattress...That's all I need...is this mattress...


 ...and this paddle game...That's all I need is this mattress and this paddle game...


...I don't need nothing else...


...just this mattress and this paddle ball game...and these matches........."