Our Correspondent Robin Leach Follows FLOTUS To China

Last week, First Lady Michelle Obama took ANOTHER taxpayer-funded vacay. The globe-trotting First Lady took her daughters Malia and Sasha, as well as her Mother on a trip to China.

Our correspondent Robin Leach tagged along:

Champagne hopes and caviar change for jet-setting First Lady Michelle Obama, as she takes another taxpayer-funded vacay, this time to The Far East!

On Monday, she spoke at a Chinese elementary school. She was surprised to learn that the schoolchildren in China are better fed than their American counterparts. For some reason, the schoolchildren in America throw away their lunches which consists mostly of rabbit food.

One little Chinese schoolgirl told The First Lady that her mommy tells her to finish her
dinner or the schoolchildren in America will starve.

Michelle told the children about her victory garden as well as her 'Let's Move' campaign for physical fitness. In Communist China, you need an internal passport (Hukou) if you want to MOVE from one area inside China to another.

Still, her Chinese hosts were interested about her 'victory garden', the very term sounding quite communistic.

Then on Tuesday, she spoke at a women's conference, where she complained about the War on Women in America. China has a mandatory one-child policy, aborting baby girls to control over-population. I'm sure that the women of China are grateful they have a government to make decisions for them, as opposed to America where women have to make that difficult decision. 

Later in the day, The First Lady spoke about religious freedom before The National People's Congress. Michelle wow'd her audience, proudly speaking about her husband's persecution of Christians. She received a standing ovation from the communist party officials who run China.

Mrs. Obama also met with members of China's state-run news media, and then promised to have them visit America to meet with members of America's state-run media.

Next, Michelle broke out the credit cards, and bought some high-priced jewelry for her dogs.

Finally, the tone-deaf First Lady attended a state dinner with the super-rich party elite before returning back home.

Pajama Boy: Have You Signed Up For Affordable Care Yet?

The Deadline for signing up for Obamacare is Monday, so Pajama Boy sends this message:

Have you signed up for Obamacare yet? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Have you? You have until Monday to sign up, or you will be in violation of Dear Leader's signature legislation.

Why won't you sign up for free health care? You must be a racist. Chances are, you probably believe all the lies that thousands of angry Americans are telling the opposition faux news media about cancelled health plans, difficulties in getting a doctor, and skyrocketing premiums.

Damn those Koch Brothers. Damn those liars.

Don't you know that The Democrats wants to set you free from your icky job? Granny Pelosi wants us all to pursue our passions. If you always wanted to paint, now you have all that free time because The Democrats have set you free from your job. You probably can't afford painting supplies, but I'm sure The Democrats next step is to pass legislation giving you free painting supplies.

C'mon all you 26-year-old children, just put on your onesie, and sit down cross-legged on the floor. Mommy will heat you up a nice cup of hot cocoa. Let's chitchat about The Affordable Care Act deadline.

I've invited my friends over this Monday night to count down the seconds before The ACA deadline. It's like New Year's Eve at my house.

The other day I sent a letter to Dear Leader, thanking him for affordable care. I told him that The Democrats really should take their entire agenda, and re-name it The Freedom From Freedom Act. I'm sure that our allies in the MSM would be happy to put a positive spin on it. Yippee!

Well, that's all for now. I gotta go kiss my Obama Flag. Oops, it looks like I made in my onesie.

Mom, I need my diaper changed.

Rep. Keith Ellison: Democrats Should Come Out Against The 2nd Amendment

Representative Keith Hakim Ellison X (D-MN) made an appearance on Bill Maher's Real Time cable show, and suggested that Democrats come out against The Second Amendment.

His remarks would offend most normal Americans, but almost nobody watches Real Time With Bill Maher. Still, we thought that we would invite him here to explain himself:

Thank you, infidel squirrel.

I appeared on Bill Maher's Real Time program on HBO last week, and he goaded me into violating my oath as a member of The U.S. House of Representatives. All I was sayin' was that this country needs fewer armed citizens, while the police becomes more militarized. Only the military and the police need to have guns.

The progressive caucus knows what's best for the American people. In fact, we should also take a second look at the First Amendment. This country would be better off if that racist Catholic Sean Hannity was taken off the air.

That reminds me.....The 3rd Amendment has always rubbed me the wrong way.

In fact, The Bill of Rights have always stopped the government from taking it's rightful control over the American people. However, we should keep The 14th Amendment. I like that one.

Well, that's all for now. If I have any more ideas involving the violation of your freedom, I'll be sure to let you know. May Allah bless all my little dhimmicrats.

Allahu Akbar.

Sharpton, Democrats Break Ground For Voter Fraud Hall Of Fame

While appearing at the voter fraud rights rally in Cleveland, MSNBC host Al Sharpton honored Melowese Richardson as the first inductee into The Voter Fraud Hall of Fame.

Richardson, a Democrat poll worker, was convicted in 2013 for voter fraud.

She had confessed to voting multiple times for Obama during the 2012 election, and was indicted for voting six more times in 2008 and 2012. She was sentenced to five years in prison, but then released, because Cleveland is a Democrat stronghold that values it's voter fraud.

Richardson's career statistics are impressive indeed, and it looks like she will be committing vote fraud for many years to come.

After hugging the proud and unrepentant criminal, Sharpton and a group of Democrat activists walked outside, where workers broke ground for the brand-spankin' new $90,000,000 Voter Fraud Hall of Fame Building.

It is scheduled to be completed in January 2016.

The Voter Fraud Hall of Fame will exhibit a Rigged Vote Machine Room, an expansive wing dedicated to 'The Chicago Way', as well as a wing dedicated to The Barack Obama 2012 re-election.

There's so much Democrat vote fraud, it will be hard to squeeze in all the exhibits. The planners are already working on an expansion.

According To A New Poll Conducted By The RedSquirrel Report....

According to a new poll conducted by The RedSquirrel Report, The Top 3 Douches in America Are:

1. Summer's Eve
2. Massengill
3. Bill Maher

Tommy Chong: Forcing A Girl To Freeze Is 'School Policy'? That's Effed Up, Man

On February 26, St. Paul's Como Park High School ran a fire drill. Fourteen year old Kayona Hagen-Tietz was in the school's swimming pool as the fire alarm went off.

The other students walked out into the cold, morning air. This day it was 5 below outside, with a wind-chill of 25 below, and Kayona only had a swimsuit and a towel.

Hagen-Tietz said that she and another student was rushed outdoors by the teacher, and was left freezing for 10 minutes. Finally, other students huddled around her and she was given a jacket and something to cover her feet.

She got frostbite. The school is supposed to look out for and protect the students, but in their adherence to 'school policy', she was not allowed to go where it was warm. Once again, a government school fails their test in common sense.

So, we asked counter-culture rebel Tommy Chong what he thought about this story:

Wow man, keeping a student outside in only a swimsuit and a towel? That's so effed up! There should have been at least one teacher there to tell her to just stay inside.

It's only a drill.

Her parents should be really pissed off. If Kayona was my kid, I'd be tearing the principal a new one. I hope her parents hire a really mean lawyer, and he sues these nonsensical dumb-asses.

What the hell is wrong with these government schools? A seven-year-old is suspended for kissing a female classmate's hand, and another kid is threatened with arrest over a tweet? Now, these idiots tell a little girl to freeze. School policy, my ass.

I'm also concerned for these millenials. They're too trusting of authority. If the teacher tells my daughter to go outside in 25 below wind-chill with only a bathing suit, I tell my daughter you can just tell the dumb ass teacher to 'go fly a kite. I'm putting my clothes on first.'

You have to learn to rebel against stupidity.

It's a good thing to question authority, especially when it looks like they're trying to kill you. During The Vietnam War, some kids burned their stupid draft cards, and risked going to prison instead of letting themselves be conscripted into a war the government refused to win.

As you know, I've done my share of drugs, but I have to wonder what that idiot teacher was on when he/she told Kayona to go outside in those elements.

Peace.

Tommy Chong
 

Communists Protest $100 Mil Donation To Hospital

Last week, the highly-demonized Koch brothers donated $100,000,000 to a hospital, and apparently that was just too much for a leftist mob protesting the donation.

The RedSquirrel Report sent our reporter to this protest, and caught this speech from SEIU official Ronny Ratzer:

Damn those generous tea-baggers (The mob boos loudly)

The Koch Brothers are right-wing corporatists. Did you know they also contribute to RETHUGLICANS? We disapprove of Citizens United because these corporatists are NOT PEOPLE!!! UNIONS ARE PEOPLE!!!! (The crowd cheers).

In fact, Rethuglicans aren't people. Most of them are RACISTS, because they don't worship our messiah, President Barack Hussein Obama...mmmm....mmmm....mmmm....

We protest this donation because we want quality care, NOT KOCH CARE!! If the hospital accepts a charitable donation from these two, quality of care WILL SUFFER! (The crowd boos).

If the hospital accepts this money, the orderlies will begin throwing old people down the stairs and pushing patients out the windows! I simply cannot stand by and watch someone who was severely beaten by our SEIU thugs receive care from a hospital that accepts money from The Koch Brothers! (The crowd cheers and boos)

The eeeevil Koch Brothers give away an incredible amount of their Rethuglican blood money each year. We think they're doing this to cheat on their taxes. (The crowd boos again).

We know everything these two do because Our Messiah sicced The IRS on his enemies and Obama Campaign Chair Jim Messina harassed Mitt Romney's donors during the 2012 campaign.

To all you Rethuglican corporatists who snidely ask, 'Why don't you commie rent-a-mobs get a job?'

We say, 'Saving America from The Koch Brothers IS OUR JOB.' (The crowd cheers wildly).

All hail Our Messiah!