After self-appointed global warming expert Al Gore finished his interview with Alex Bogusky of the Climate Reality Project, the former V.P. had an appointment at the doctor. It was time for his yearly colonoscopy.
During the interview, the former Vice President had just advised believers of man-made global warming that they need to 'win the conversation' with the skeptics of global warming by shunning them, like the racists in America's shameful past. The carbon credit billionaire told 'the believers' to win with the strength of their passion, like Gore did during his explosive, profanity-laced tirade at the Aspen Insitute on August 4th.
Moments after the former Vice President got face-down on the examination table, and the doctors inserted the camera, they found something quite shocking. It ate the camera. Terrified, the doctors immediately pulled the camera out.
"Did you see that?"
"I did. I must say that I will never forget the nightmarish image as long as I live," the other doctor said, taking off his glasses. He rubbed his eyes.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
DOJ Gestapo Saves America From The Gibson Gang
The Gibson Guitar Corporation, that gang of well-known criminals, was raided by federal agents this week in surprise raids in Memphis and Nashville. Our glorious DOJ Gestapo caught these suspiciously non-union shops making guitars, using 'illegal wood' from India, in direct violation of environmental regulations and the Lacey Act. You may be asking yourself, 'What is the Lacey Act?'
Don't ask. We will ask the questions!
It gets worse. Gibson Guitars CEO Henry Juszkiewicz has made political contributions to eeeevil Republican candidates in the past, and may be a racist tea-bagger.
Don't ask. We will ask the questions!
It gets worse. Gibson Guitars CEO Henry Juszkiewicz has made political contributions to eeeevil Republican candidates in the past, and may be a racist tea-bagger.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The Battle Of Irenemageddon
It is the aftermath of Hurricane ( I mean...tropical storm) Irene, where winds reached a whopping 40-miles an hour in some places. In New York's Times Square, young people are recovering from this crisis by playing street hockey. Most Americans relieve the stress of this national nightmare by laughing at the on-the-scene idiot reporters, as foamy human waste slaps these doofuses in the mouth.
To the media, Hurricane (I mean....tropical storm) Irene was a crisis because it hit the East Coast, and made life yucky for the mainstream media elitists who reside on our Eastern seaboard, and it interrupted our little dictator's vacation on Martha's Vineyard.
Barry brags about 'lowering the seas'. I wonder what he can do about the flooding in Vermont.
To the media, Hurricane (I mean....tropical storm) Irene was a crisis because it hit the East Coast, and made life yucky for the mainstream media elitists who reside on our Eastern seaboard, and it interrupted our little dictator's vacation on Martha's Vineyard.
Barry brags about 'lowering the seas'. I wonder what he can do about the flooding in Vermont.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Just A Little Housecleaning
The RedSquirrel Report is six months old this month, and your bushy-tailed correspondent is doin' a little Sunday housecleaning today. For you new to this blog, I think it's a good idea to reiterate what The RedSquirrel Report is all about.
J. Redsquirrel is a wise-cracking reporter who lives in a tree somewhere in South Minneapolis, banging away at his word processor.. He reads other blogs, the news, and llistens to lots of talk radio, then redicules the people and events occurring on planet earth, hence the motto: Gathering up, feasting on, and snickering at the world's collective nuttiness since 2011.
I chose the red squirrel because my thinking is red-state. I don't have a lot, but I'm fairly industrious. I don't expect much from the government, and I don't want them taking away my stuff, dig? Red squirrels have short attention spans, so I try to keep my posts at under three paragraphs. Sometimes, my liberal friend, Longfellow Loon stops by to award the Loon Of The Week Award. Since the geniuses at 1280 AM The Patriot cancelled the first team and, therefore, killed the Loon Of The Week segment, The RedSquirrel Report has taken upon itself to bestow this weekly honor to the loonies on the left.
I will post passages from 'my unauthorized biography of George Soros' on this blog from time to time.
Then there's Joe the artist. He draws some illustrations for us, and we show off his artwork from time to time.
Joe Soucheray has influenced me in the creation of this blog. He created the world of 'Garage Logic, where he is the mayor. I am also influenced by The Onion, Scrappleface, and The Nihlist In Golf Pants.
I'll have more later. Thank you.
J. RedSquirrel
J. Redsquirrel is a wise-cracking reporter who lives in a tree somewhere in South Minneapolis, banging away at his word processor.. He reads other blogs, the news, and llistens to lots of talk radio, then redicules the people and events occurring on planet earth, hence the motto: Gathering up, feasting on, and snickering at the world's collective nuttiness since 2011.
I chose the red squirrel because my thinking is red-state. I don't have a lot, but I'm fairly industrious. I don't expect much from the government, and I don't want them taking away my stuff, dig? Red squirrels have short attention spans, so I try to keep my posts at under three paragraphs. Sometimes, my liberal friend, Longfellow Loon stops by to award the Loon Of The Week Award. Since the geniuses at 1280 AM The Patriot cancelled the first team and, therefore, killed the Loon Of The Week segment, The RedSquirrel Report has taken upon itself to bestow this weekly honor to the loonies on the left.
I will post passages from 'my unauthorized biography of George Soros' on this blog from time to time.
Then there's Joe the artist. He draws some illustrations for us, and we show off his artwork from time to time.
Joe Soucheray has influenced me in the creation of this blog. He created the world of 'Garage Logic, where he is the mayor. I am also influenced by The Onion, Scrappleface, and The Nihlist In Golf Pants.
I'll have more later. Thank you.
J. RedSquirrel
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Dammit, We Thought We Had Him
With the rebels seemingly in control of Tripoli, Former Libyan dictator Muhammar Quadafi appears to be in hiding.
Oh, this just in. It appears that several Quadaffy aides were just killed in a shootout, and that the former dictator himself has been captured by a mob of rebels. Now, he's being dragged towards Tripoli's town square, where rebels are chanting and waving rifles.
They've taken off his sunglasses. Now they appear to be dissapointed. The mob has just realized that they have captured Carlos Santana, not Mohammar Kadafi.
We found one rebel with a sign that read, "How do you spell your name!?"
Oh, this just in. It appears that several Quadaffy aides were just killed in a shootout, and that the former dictator himself has been captured by a mob of rebels. Now, he's being dragged towards Tripoli's town square, where rebels are chanting and waving rifles.
They've taken off his sunglasses. Now they appear to be dissapointed. The mob has just realized that they have captured Carlos Santana, not Mohammar Kadafi.
We found one rebel with a sign that read, "How do you spell your name!?"
Congratulations To Newsweek
Earlier this month, Newsweek released the edition featuring the controversial Crazy Eyes Michele Bachmann cover story. We here at The RedSquirrel Report send kudos to Newsweek, for their journalistic excellence.This bushy-tailed reporter is impressed indeed with Newsweek's standards that almost equals our news parody blog.
The Crazy Eyes Bachmann cover reminds us of several stories reported here on The RedSquirrel Report, parodying Minnesota's Governor, Mark 'Governor Crazy Eyes' Dayton. (Shown below)
A final note: Newsweek saw sales drop precipitously with The Crazy Eyes Bachmann cover. It appears that the cover frightened many Newsweek readers, and there were many reports all across the country of seemingly terrified people running away from magazine stands.
The Crazy Eyes Bachmann cover reminds us of several stories reported here on The RedSquirrel Report, parodying Minnesota's Governor, Mark 'Governor Crazy Eyes' Dayton. (Shown below)
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Katy Perry Sets The Record Straight
Like, Hi. It's me. Katy Perry, pop superstar : )
Like, uh....A couple days ago, one of my Jewish fans tweeted me, and asked me to give a shout out to my friends in Israel. So, I tweeted a Jewish girl and I liked it and....like....so I asked everybody to pray for Israel. Y'know, there's this ongoing trouble in the Middle East. Sometimes there's war. Sometimes it's hot. And sometimes it's cold, y'know?
Well, this TEENAGE DREAM got on Twitter yesterday, and got some uncoolness from several Twits, as they got on my case for showing some luv for the Jews out there. : (
I would like to thank The RedSquirrel Report for giving me this opportunity to set the record straight. I think this blog rules : )
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxKaty
Like, uh....A couple days ago, one of my Jewish fans tweeted me, and asked me to give a shout out to my friends in Israel. So, I tweeted a Jewish girl and I liked it and....like....so I asked everybody to pray for Israel. Y'know, there's this ongoing trouble in the Middle East. Sometimes there's war. Sometimes it's hot. And sometimes it's cold, y'know?
Well, this TEENAGE DREAM got on Twitter yesterday, and got some uncoolness from several Twits, as they got on my case for showing some luv for the Jews out there. : (
I would like to thank The RedSquirrel Report for giving me this opportunity to set the record straight. I think this blog rules : )
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxKaty
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