Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Happy Halloween 2016 From The Obama White House

My Fellow Americans,

Happy Halloween, it's the creep in The White House, Barack Hussein Obama.

Our party is already in full swing! Foreign leaders and lobbyists are bobbing for bribes in the Clinton Foundation Room. I've rigged the election, so I'm already letting Hillary move in.

Michelle is harvesting pumpkins from the victory garden, and she'll carve a scary Trump-O-Lantern. Speaking of Trump, our friends at CNN are hanging the Scary Orange Man on the front lawn in effigy.

I'm looking out the window, and I can see The Great Pumpkin. No, that's just New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. Oh no, those troublemakers James O'Keefe from Project Veritas and Julian Assange from Wikileaks are throwing eggs at my house. I better call AG Loretta Lynch and tell her to arrest them.

First Rapist Bill Clinton has arrived in his giant penis costume. Now, some of our guests have arrived as ISIS fighters. Hey, I think that's Colin Kaepernick. Later, as your kids go trick-or-treating, Me and Hillary will be going door-to-door confiscating your guns.

This party is downright scary, but this is nothing compared with the horrors America will experience after Hillary is coronated! Things will really get freaky when she gets her hands on the Supreme Court, then replace Obamacare with Single Payer!!

Your premiums will make your hair stand on end!

Now Jay-Z and Beyonce have arrived as Black Lives Matter thugs, and there's Hillary's VP pick Tim Kaine as Count Obnoxious....

Oh, and there's MSNBC's Lawrence O'Donnell in a straight jacket. Waitaminnut, that's not a Halloween costume....and here comes some of Hillary's friends from the UN. It's Like the Star Wars bar room scene!!

We just got some little trick-or-treaters in cute drug lord costumes, so I'm putting toy guns in their sacks....

....At least I think those were toys.....

Well, we should keep this party going until America wises up and votes us out.

Allahu Akbar,

Barack Obama

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Deplorably Yours

Dear Hillary,

You recently made a speech where you insulted about half of the country, calling us deplorable.

You call us racist and sexist, and suggest that we aren't Americans. Honest to God, Hillary, you're a 68-year-old woman, and you sound like a mean 6-year-old brat.

The real reasons why I oppose you are numerous, but here are a few:

You're a dishonest career criminal who acts as if laws do not apply to you. If you believe that you're above the law, I'm going to have a problem supporting you. I don't think it's deplorable to expect our government officials to obey our laws.

You are also incredibly hypocritical. You talk about women's rights, yet accept political contributions from middle eastern governments that practice anti-woman shariah law. The same goes for gay rights and minority rights.

You are a typical, powermad Democrat, willing to give the country away to our enemies as long as it feeds your naked lust for power. You don't believe in changing anybody's mind, so you will just change the voters instead. You want to increase the number of new migrants/voters from Syria by 550%, and you support illegal aliens as long you believe they will vote for you.

Meanwhile, you insult hard-working, honest Americans.

We are being harmed by these policies, and you don't care. As a Deplorable-American, I care more for Katie Steinle and her grieving family than the illegal alien who murdered her. I also care for police officers that you and your former boss Barack Obama frequently attack.

At your convention, you held what looked like a criminal appreciation night as a way to pander to Black voters. What an insult to African-Americans!

Your Clinton Foundation accepted charitable donations for the victims of an earthquake in Haiti, BUT YOU KEPT THE MONEY! HOW CAN ANYONE BE THIS SCUMMY?!

I haven't even started on Benghazi or your e-mails. In a sane world, you would be awaiting trial, not running for president. This November, I'm voting for Donald Trump because he's not you.

I would crawl through broken glass to keep you out of the White House.

Deplorably Yours,

Joe Deal, Uppity Peasant

The RSR Poll: Should Someone Hit Tim Kaine In The Nose With A Rolled-Up Newspaper?

Last week, the VP running mates held their debate at Longwood University in Farmwood, Virginia. Donald Trump's running mate, Mike Pence, clearly won the debate. He was well-prepared and knew the important issues.

On the other hand, Hillary Clinton's running mate, Tim Kaine, was incredibly obnoxious. He interrupted Pence at least 57 times.

This brings us to our RSR Poll question. We ask our readers:

Should someone hit Tim Kaine in the nose with a rolled-up newspaper?


B: Yes! Repeatedly, until he stops interrupting

C: Kaine should be hit with something harder than a newspaper

D. No.