Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Obama "Celebrates" Memorial Day A Week Early With A Statue Of Ho Chi Minh

Next week, Normal-Americans will remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice in defence of our freedoms. Many Americans will have a backyard barbecue, while others will look for a good deal on a mattress.

Our pencil-necked president observes Memorial Day in a much different way. Last year, he sucked down an ice cream cone and tweeted "Happy Memorial Day", while American families visited graves and cried together.

This year, he offends us yet again, as he visits Hiroshima and Saigon. In Hiroshima, he'll make an anti-nuke speech. In his twisted world, only Iranian mullahs should be in control of nuclear weapons.

This year, he's celebrating Memorial Day a week early, taking a trip to Vietnam. He posed for a picture below a statue of Ho Chi Minh, who killed over 50,000 Americans. While he was in Cuba last month, he posed in front of a mural of murderous thug Che Guevara. He'll cut his Hiroshima visit short when he can't find any statues or murals of dead communist butchers to pose for a photo with.

I guess we should be thankful that he won't try to close the Vietnam Veterans Memorial or The National World War 2 Memorial (again).

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Oh Look, Meathead Has A Theory

Last week, actor-director Rob Reiner opined that supporters of Donald Trump support him because they are racist bigots.

Here to give a counter-point is Archie from Queens:

Well, well, well, if it ain't Meathead flapping his gums again! So, he thinks that us Trumpsters are all racist bigots. I bet that that stupid Polack belongs to The Bums For Bernie Caucus! Sanders didn't find his first job until he was 40 YEARS OLD! How in the Heck is THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!

Meathead's idea of racial equality works like THIS....Us poor, White schlubs work, and Black families collect a nice welfare check. It's all nice an' good as long as you remain on The Democrat Party plantation, dependent on politician commies like Bernie and Hillary.

Now, Donald Trump is a Republican, so that automatically makes him a right-wing racist? He wants to control the border, so that makes him some kind of monster.

That goofball Reiner must think that all Latinos support illigal immigration. To me, THAT'S RACIST. What a Meathead.

Commie-libs like Meathead like to describe those in our country illegally as "dreamers." What about all us natually-born Americans and OUR DREAMS? We get ripped off and defrauded by commie jack-asses, our taxes raised, and our health care cancelled.

My dream is to be left alone!

I wonder what would happen if some illegal aliens moved in next door to that super-rich Meathead. If you could get any common sense into that liberal Meathead's grey matter, he'd change his tune. Maybe he'd direct a movie about the murder of Kate Steinle or somethin'....

....but I'm not holding my breath.

The President Denigrates Hard-Working Americans (Again)

The president is speaking at a Black high school commencement. We join it in progress:

I'm so glad to be here today, speaking to you, and not having to attend all your funerals in the most racist country on Earth.

As the most powerful man on Earth, I STILL run into constant racism. My critics are STILL criticizing me on talk radio, and I STILL haven't been able to silence them. There is still no justice.....

 Then, there's are all those entrepreneurial crackers with their businesses, making money hand over fist who need to understand that they are winners of life's lottery.

They are LUCKY to be White. Many of them get into the military. They were LUCKY to get back home in one piece. Some of these LUCKY crackers went on to college, and were LUCKY that they studied hard, and became lawyers and doctors. They are LUCKY to pay high taxes, and extremely lucky to lose their health care due to The Affordable Health care Act. 

At least these LUCKY crackers still have jobs.

Many of these winners of life's lottery started businesses. but THEY DIN'T BUILD THAT!!!

And so, YOU will be out in the real world, unless you go to college. Hopefully, you'll be like my good friend Bill Ayers. You'll bomb a police station, kill a few crackers, then some university will reward you with a tenured professor job.

Go to college. and you can learn how to silence your critics. You will be safe from criticism, and get good grades as long as you spout the communist party line. Then you can help me 'fundementally transform' this country into my Muslim-leftist utopia.

That's my time. I'm outta here.

Allahu Akhbar.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Obama To Begin Far Eastern Leg Of "World Apology Tour" In Hiroshima

Fresh off his sick, weird transgender bathroom decree, our Apologizer-in-Chief announced the start of the Far Eastern leg of his World Apology Tour that will begin in Hiroshima, Japan on May 27.

He will speak against nuclear weapons. He believes only Iranian mullahs should be in control of nuclear weapons, just like he believes only dangerous Mexican drug dealers should have guns.

The madness continues. I understand that they're printing up t-shirts.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Kasich Drops Out And Feeds His Face

The day after Texas Senator and presidential candidate Ted Cruz suspended his campaign, Ohio Governor John Kasich announced that he too is dropping out of the race. He made his announcement at a Cincinnati Arby's:

"I wish that I could stay in this race (dips his sandwich into a condiment cup of au jus, then takes a large bite) but um notmgettin enoughm votes (He swallows the bite, and as the food goes down his gullet, there's a pained expression on his face).

I've never mentioned this before, but I am the son of a mailman....(He takes ANOTHER bite as photographers take pictures) andm um so proud ofum where I cameumfromummmm....I'mummm so proud of my staffummmm, as well as muh family ummmmmm)

(He forces the food down his throat, and begins talking again) I am so proud of my great home state of Ohio, and the God-fearing residents who work so hard and raise their kids, and..... (He takes ANOTHER bite as photographers take more pictures) family valuesummm an' doing the right thingsmmmmm.....................

Belch.......................God Bless America, and God Bless the great state of Ohio!"


An RSR Exclusive: Ted Cruz Suspends Candidacy Amid Revelations

One week ago, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz dropped out of the race for the White House. It was revealed that his father Raphael helped Lee Harvey Oswald assassinate President John F. Kennedy.

In an RSR exclusive, we have dug even deeper into the Cruz family history, and discovered that Ted's great-grandfather Marco assisted in the assassination of president William McKinley on September 6, 1901.

We can also confirm that the presidential candidate IS INDEED The Zodiac Killer, that he has a dildo fetish, AND that and that he was also born in Canada.

We asked our secret source how he and his crack staff of fact-gatherers were able to extensively vet this candidate with such a troubling personal and family history.

"Me and my staff are proud of ourselves and the facts we dig up. We leave no stone unturned. We're especially proud of the great job we and the mainstream news media did in vetting presidential candidate Barack Obama.

Just wait until we show the world what we found about Republican front-runner and presumptive nominee. Donald Trump. It will make your head spin."