Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The Obama Wedding Registry Song

Soon it will be your wedding day
The invitations have been sent
Obama wants you to register
With his campaign your money's better spent

Your liberal Democrat in-laws
They gave to Our Dear Leader too 
You were hoping for at least a toaster
Obama got that instead of you

It's for Obama

Dear bride this is your special day
you're so stunning in your gown of white
Your liberal friends gave $200
They hope Obama wins on Election Night

Dear young man and dear woman
Our Messiah needs that money more
You should register with Team Obama
Instead of that department store

Team Obama

Now it may sound self-serving
The narcissist is out-of-control
Fundamentally transforming
America's rotten, racist soul
So, give to the wedding crasher
He's counting on me and you
Just Register at Team Obama
Or he might send in the S.E.I.U.

Jim Messina might even demand to know
You might think that it's insane
If you've invited the Koch Brothers
Cough it up to The Obama Campaign

Team Obama

Barack Obama-The Wedding Crasher

Just when you think the Narcissist-in-Chief couldn't sink any lower, his campaign outdoes itself in unprecedented crassness.

Imagine if you will: You have proposed to the woman you want to grow old with, but you have failed to discuss your political beliefs with your future bride. You learn too late that she supports Our Little Dictator.

....and she wants to register your wedding with Obama 2012.

Or, it's your big day, and you walk into the ballroom, where you and your new bride will be sharing your first dance. You glance at the gift table, and find only a couple, gift wrapped boxes. You discover dozens of envelopes from many of your guests, and in each envelope there's a note that reads something like this:

Congratulations Joe and Mary. Your uncle Wally and I have decided to give the Obama Campaign $200 dollars in your name. We're sure you would approve. Love, Auntie Flo.

During this time of extreme economic hardship, with young people especially hard-hit, it seems like Obama is gratuitously heaping insult to injury on the American people.

The One's official website has opened a gift registry. Somebody at Obama for America actually thought it was a brilliant idea:

Instead of another gift card you'll forget to use, ask your friends and family for something that will go a little further: a donation to Obama for America. Register your next celebration-whether it's a birthday, bar, or bar mitzvah, wedding, or anniversary-with the Obama campaign. It's a great way to show your support for a cause that's important to you on your big day.

Your bushy-tailed news analyst believes The Obama 'gift registry' will serve a two-fold purpose.

1. Campaign contributions, and....

2. It will divide and conquer America. Obama hopes that this will cause a lot of trouble all across the fruited plain. Families and friends will be at each other's throats, probably for a very long time.

I wonder what they will think of next. You remember Cash For Clunkers? How about Campaign Donations For Caskets. Your dead grandma won't mind.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

#RealReporter Mitchell Busted By #JustABlogger @SooperMexican

I just get done explaining the difference between #realreporters and #justbloggers, and almost immediately, ANOTHER example falls right into our laps.

NBC's Andrea Mitchell is a #realreporter, working for Obama bundler Comcast, as well as crony General Electric.  So, it should not come as much of a surprise that Mitchell takes a story of Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney's visit to a WaWa store, and with some tricky, dishonest editing , makes it look like the former Governor has never seen their touch screen.

Enter #justablogger @SooperMexican, who made the discovery that #realreporter Mitchell had completely distorted the truth via editing trickery.

You're busted again, NBC. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Actually, when the WaWa story broke, my first impression was that Barbara Walters had opened a sandwich shop.

"Hewwoe, Welcome to WaWa. What would you you wike on yow sandwich?"

How To Tell #RealReporters From #JustBloggers

About two weeks ago, the #realreporter Juan Williams and the blogger Michelle Malkin made an appearance on the Hannity show, and for reason, Ms. Malkin took exception to something that the #realreporter said.

The #realreporter told her "You're just a blogger".

Malkin didn't take that particularly well....

I believe that The RedSquirrel Report can set the record straight about #realreporters and our little friends, bloggers. From what I've learned, it's the #realreporter's job to obediently regurgitate whatever their boss, Our Dear Leader Barack Hussein Obama tells them to say about the events of the day. This is called reciting the party line.

Sometimes, a #realreporter forgets this, and gets out of line. Once in a blue moon, one will accidentally ask a tough, probing question. The Daily Caller's Neil Munro did this, and now, he will probably be expelled from any more White House press conferences.

Generally, it's a #realreporter's job to fabricate a story, but only if it's harmful to the dreaded Republicans. Dan Rather and Mary Mapes made up some memos that were supposed to be damaging to former President George W. Bush. The world found out about The phony Killian Memos, because blogger John Hinderacker busted them

....but John Hinderacker is #JustABlogger.

While #realreporters hide the truth about the widespread illegal activities at ACORN, #justbloggers shined the light on them. While #realreporters did their best to hide the truth about Obama's 'Fast And Furious' gun-running scandal, it was #justbloggers who showed the world the truth.

Although, that's not completely true. CBS NEWS reporter Sharyl Attkisson did something almost unthinkable for a #realreporter. She actually looked for facts, and told the American people how The President and his Attorney General sold guns to Mexican drug dealers, which led to the deaths of American Border Agents Bryan Terry and Jaime Zapata. Because of that, I'm sure that most bloggers would gladly name her #anhonoraryblogger.

Many #realreporters completely fabricate stories, like NBC NEWS . They did a story about exploding trucks, and they made sure that the truck exploded. Well, they rigged it to explode. Hey, that sounds vaguely dishonest.

NBC also uses interesting editing trickery to distort the truth, as illustrated in the killing of Trayvon Martin. They edited the police audio to make it sound like the accused killer George Zimmerman hunted the 16-year-old down because he was black.

Now you know the difference between #realreporters and #justbloggers. That's all for now.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Julia: Relegated To The Island Of Misfit Campaign Mascots

Does anybody still remember Obama's disastrous slide show, 'Life Of Julia'? She was the faceless, composite nobody who could not get through life without her sugar daddy, Barack Obama. It appears that Team Obama has deserted her. I don't hear Obama's brilliant campaign advisor Jim Messina talking about her.

I bet they don't even take her calls.  Oh wait, she doesn't have a mouth. Looks like the only people who keep bringing her up are those on the right.

For anybody who grew up watching all those classic Rankin-Bass claymation Christmas specials from the 1960's-1970's, Ed Morrissey from HotAir.com drew a rather comical mental picture of Julia's banishment from Obama's 2012 campaign. He said:

Last month, the Obama campaign tried to sell women-especially younger, single women a life of government dependency in it's unwitting, Orwellian "Life Of Julia." Even women inclined to support Barack Obama objected to the characterization of women as wards of the state. Polling results two weeks later showed that Obama lost significant ground among the demographics he had hoped to improve, and ever since, the Obama campaign apparently relegated the eyeless, mouthless "Julia to the island of Misfit Campaign Mascots.

The Island of Misfit Campaign Mascots? Morrissey compared Obama's 'Julia' with The Island of Misfit Toys- Sad. Lost. Miserable. Banished..

It's like little Julia is of no use to Obama, so his team will toss her out-where at least she can't do them any more harm.

Morrissey suggested that there are more of these mascots. Well, there IS four more months. I'm sure that Team Obama is working on ANOTHER dependent, little mascot.

How about Charley-in-a-Box? He hides in his box because he is hoping that Obama will excuse his college loans.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

It Looks Like Representative Henry Waxman Supports Drilling After All

Earlier today, Representative Henry Waxman (D-California) came out against the new House Republican energy plan, which would employ tens of thousands of Americans.

Instead, Waxman sided with environmentalist extremists, adding: 

The Republican's new energy plan is tantamount to MURDER! The big oil companies pollute, and cause nothing but sickness and disease. Energy production will destroy our coastlines, and cause critters to cough and die.....

and now if you'll excuse me, I've got some drilling to do.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Don't Ever Heckle The King

Dear White House Press Corps:

As you know,  Our Glorious Leader was announcing his latest Executive edict on Friday, when he was deliberately and disrespectfully interrupted by a troublemaker from the conservative website, The Daily Caller.

The One was announcing his change in immigration policy, geared towards stopping the deportation of 800,000 young people from the country. As Our Dear Leader was addressing you in The Rose Garden, He was interrupted by Neil Munro from The Daily Caller. As you should know, this did not sit well with Our Manchild President:

"Excuse me, sir....It's not time for questions...." Our wonderful President said, stopping that disrespectful reporter.

"No, You have to take questions", the troublemaker responded.

Just remember, Obama scribes. You are supposed to be quiet while Our Glorious Leader hands down his latest edict, and scribble dutifully. GOT IT?

Then to make things even worse. Munro squeezed in a question, "What about American workers who are unemployed while you import foreigners?"

Ladies and gentlemen, we don't really want to crack down on the White House press pool, but we will not allow anyone near the White House who may cause anything like Friday's outburst. Our Dear Leader demands it.

In the meantime, everyone needs to work on destroying Munro's name. You will refer to him as 'The Heckler' from now on.

Meanwhile, our people at MSNBC, as well as Sam Donaldson are doing terrific work, suggesting that this Neil Munro heckled President Obama because HE'S BLACK!

When in doubt, play the race card.

Would a WHITE president ever be heckled? Of course not! No one would ever heckle a ......WATCH OUT! FLYING SHOE!

....Looks Like The Moonbats Needed A Wake-Up Call

Netroots 2012, the convention of leftist bloggers and activists was held in Providence, Rhode Island. From June 7-10, the moonbats of the left infested the Rhode Island Convention Center for 4 days of ultra-lib wackiness.
Among the scheduled speakers for this year's get-together was New York Times columnist and Nobel Piece prize winner, economist Paul Krugman.

But when the morning keynote speaker began his remarks, he did so before an empty room.

The S.E.I.U. didn't even order in the kitchen staff to serve as seat fillers.

"Oh f..., This IS embarrassing", said one organizer. "We should not have scheduled ANYTHING in the morning. Leftists almost always wake up in the afternoon. Whoops".

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Congratulations To Joy Behar

We at The RedSquirrel Report congratulates the always-charming Joy Behar on her new gig at Al Gore's CURRENT TV.

We also congratulate America, for now we will never see or hear from Ms. Behar again.

It's a great day for America all around.

This Just In: Feds Won't Retry John Edwards

The Department of Justice has decided to not re-try former Presidential candidate John Edwards on 6 counts of campaign fraud.

However, he does remain guilty of spending too much time on his hair.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Maybe Obama's Friends Can Re-Record 'We Are The World'

In the great San Joaquin Valley, the most productive and fertile farmland in the world, the farmers are being crushed by drought, and they need water to do their work. But there's a problem. The federal government, namely the Environmental Protection Agency and the Democrat-controlled Senate will not allow them to have that water.

Democrat environmentalist radicals believe the water belongs to the delta smelt, and so they have diverted that water away from the farms towards the shiny little fish.

The Senate Republicans have tried to turn the spigots back on, but The psychotic leftist Democrats are deliberately destroying America. This almost reminds me of what  Mengistu Haile Mariam's Communist regime in Ethiopia did to that country in the 1980's. That regime used man-made famine to control and tyrannize the population.

Those little delta smelt lobbyists must be persuasive. I didn't know they even voted.

Do you remember how the world reacted to the man-made famine in Ethiopia? In 1984, Bob Geldof and a group of British pop stars recorded 'Do They Know It's Christmas?'

Then, American pop stars recorded 'We Are The World'. Hey, that's what the farmers of the San Joaquin valley need. Maybe Obama's friends can re-record this song for drought relief.

Oh, this just in: The Obama Administration's EPA will use drone surveillance over cattle ranches in Nebraska and Iowa to monitor compliance of their 'Clean Water Act'.

This is just sick.

Cat Drone-The Summer Blockbuster

Hey, @TheMorningSpew Why don't we make a movie about Bart Jenson and his feline pal, Orville?
We could re-make the movie Top Gun, with an all-cat cast. I'm already working on a theme song similar to Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins:

I was really sad, when my frisky died
But I found a way, to make my little kitty fly
Now he's a lit-tle KITTY DRONE, KITTY DRONE....

The theme song writes itself. Danger Zone rhymes with cat-drone.

Monday, June 11, 2012

The Amazing Flying Cat: Our Series Of Reports Continues

Previously, your bushy-tailed correspondent told you about Bart Janson and his amazing cat copter, Kitty Hawk. The story is touching, but there's a world out there that's in need of this ground-breaking technology. America is involved in a war on terror, and somebody will probably make a buck off this.

As the singing mother/daughter duo The Judds would say, 'Why not me?'

So, after wiping the tears from my eyes, I wrote a comment in @TheMorningSpew, congratulating him/her/them on this fine story. I coined the term, cat-drone.

I received an enthusiastic tweet from TMS, and we traded several more, developing this idea even further. Others on Twitter got into this fascinating discussion.

The general consensus was, that the creators of this flying cat machine, or cat-drone,
should take this idea to The Pentagon, and that an assembly line of cat-drones should be manufactured.

Your bushy-tailed correspondent believes that cat-drones could shorten the war on terror, and bring us quick victory. As our new weapon rains down on Al-Qaeda, our over-whelmed enemies would die thinking that 'The Great Satan' has developed a special species of predator drone.

There was some discussion of using dead pigs, or some other dead critter, but I believed that a relatively small, remote-controlled cat would be harder to shoot down.

I am so close to realizing my ultimate dream of being a filthy-rich war profiteer, I can just taste it.

The Amazing Flying Cat

In April, Your bushy-tailed correspondent got a Twitter account, and believe this is the best decision I've ever made. On Twitter, you meet a lot of like-minded tweeps, and one of the kindred spirits I've come across is @TheMorningSpew.

From this terrific blog, I've come across the story of Bart Janson and his cat, Orville.

After Orville was ran over by a car, the Dutch artist took his dead feline to a taxidermist, had it stuffed, then teamed up with radio control helicopter flyer Arjen Beltman....

and the two men turned the dead cat into a remote-control helicopter.

He attached four plastic propellers to the cat's feet, encased a motor inside his frisky friend's stomach, and now, the silver tabby can fly. This story is so moving I think I'm getting misty just thinking about it.

Janson says that Orville loved birds, and now, he can fly with them.

I wish to Thank @TheMorningSpew for telling the story of Bart and Orville, also known as Kitty Hawk.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

All Is Well-The Private Sector Is Doing Just Fine

The other day, Our Glorious Leader said that the private sector is #doingjustfine. That reminded me of something I once saw in a movie.

Obama: The private sector is doing just fine.

Animal House's Chip Diller (Kevin Bacon): REMAIN CALM. ALL IS WELL!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

I'm A Dem-Tool, On Obama's Steel Horse I Ride

We're all the same, rich libs who wanted hope and change.

Everyday, America under Obama is wasting away.

Another fundraiser....with a room full of limousine liberals

Bitter clingers, they know Obama's full of bull.

I'm a Dem-tool, on Obama's steel horse I ride

Brainwashed....believing his lies....

Ooh, Let Me Taste Your Sweet, Yummy Democrat Tears!

Ooh, let me taste your tears!......................
If you're like me, your conservative heart hurts for that poor Tom Barrett supporter, despondent over the result of Wisconsin's recall election. I almost couldn't bear to watch the weepy Wisconsin Democrat as he uttered those words to the CNN reporter:

"This was the end of America as we know it".

The RedSquirrel Report has invited this great American spokesman to share his thoughts on the Wisconsin recall election.

Hello (sniff) thanks RedSquirrel.

On Tuesday night, the state of Wisconsin had her very soul ripped out by Governor Scott Walker. This is the end of America as we know it. Democracy is dead, and I feel like Scott Walker has knocked down my door and shot my puppy! (sob)....

We were out-spent $34 million to $4 million. Scott Walker had the unmitigated nerve to accept money from outside the state, and even worse, he won't allow the state public employee unions pick the taxpayer's bones clean. Soon that evil Nazi Scott Walker will begin rounding us up. Monster! (boo hoo hoo)....

The America I've always known is over (blubber blubber). Because of this heartless maniac Walker, we will no longer be able to retire comfortably at 50, and force you suckers in the private sector to work until you're 79 (blows his nose)....

I cannot believe that we are going to be forced to contribute to our own health care plans and pensions....That is simply.....INHUMANE! (sob)....

Democrats are NEVER supposed to lose. God created us Democrats to rule, and Republicans to pay taxes. Anything short of that is just NOT RIGHT! Thank you.


Wednesday, June 6, 2012

WI Public Unionistas Already Working On Next Walker Recall

The union bosses in Wisconsin are already gathering petitions, and gearing up for YET ANOTHER recall of Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker. Our correspondent learned that the next recall effort will probably take place in September.

As for last night's recall, it was obvious that all of the illegal votes, the intimidation, and public outbursts by angry leftists would not bring Democrat challenger Tom Barrett any closer to victory.
"Damned Walker beat Tom Barrett so badly, it's beyond our election fraud threshold.

We bussed in tons of voters from Chicago and Michigan and Minnesota, threatened our neighbors, and it STILL wasn't enough!", one union boss said.

"I had a trunk full of ballots, but what good would these stuffed ballot boxes do? Those tea-baggers really got their people out".

Over at MSNBC, both Ed Schultz and Lawrence O' Donnell had a mental breakdown, while Rachel Maddow behaved like Saddam's propagandist Baghdad Bob, simply refusing to believe that the Democrat could possibly lose.

At CNN, an elated Wolf Blitzer excitedly proclaimed the phony exit poll data, but turned more dour as the results came in.

Tuesday night ended with a conservative gloatfest on Twitter. Some of us laughed at the weepy unionista, as he warned America:

"This is the end of the U.S.A. as we know it".

Boo hoo hoo. Get over yourself, you big baby.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

It's Official: The Devil Supports Obama

The simply faaabulous Anna Wintour, the inspiration behind the hellish Miranda Priestly character in 'The Devil Wears Prada', made a video for all the little people yesterday.

For a campaign contribution, Vogue Magazine's editor-in-chief says that two poor shlubs will win a trip to New York, and attend an Obama event, co-hosted by the simply fantastic star of HBO'S Sex In The City Sarah Jessica Parker. In this video, Wintour says:

(If you're reading this out loud, do so in the most pretentious New York snob voice that you can muster) 

Hi. I'm Anna Wintour, and I'm so lucky in my work that I'm able to meet some of the most incredible women in the world, women like Sarah Jessica-Parker and Me Shell Obama....

These two wonderful women and I are hosting a dinner, along with the president,in New York City, to benefit the Obama campaign on June the 14th. It will be a fantastic evening, and you can join us. We're saving the two best seats for you, but you have to enter to win. You can enter right now by going to BarackObama.com/NewYorkNight.

Sarah Jessica and I both have our reasons for supporting President Obama, and we want to hear yours, so please join us.

But just don't be late........

Oh, goody! How could ANYONE pass up this golden opportunity to hob-nob with leftist, elitist snobs! There's nothing that screams 99% more than sitting around with a bunch of hoity-toidy, coastal libs. You could not get any more out of touch.

I hope that Larry The Cable Guy wins the drawing.

I understand that Wintour has ordered her kitchen staff to create a three-foot ice sculpture made in the likeness of Obama's head. Co-host Sarah Jessica Parker will hang a feedbag around the guests necks, and put in carrots and oats.

The most telling part in the video is where she discloses the reason for this shindig is so that you can tell Wintour and Parker why you support the Narcissist-In-chief. In other words, this sweepstakes exists because he wants his over-sized ego stroked.

Wow. I didn't think that it was possible for me to dislike these people any more than I do.....

Monday, June 4, 2012

Straight From The Horse's Mouth

I got another Obama campaign email. This time, it's from the star of HBO's Sex In The City, Sarah Jessica-Parker. It reads:


It's my honor to invite you to take part in an event I'm hosting at my home with the President and First Lady on June 14th.

What's for dinner? Will everybody have a horse feedbag tied around their necks, or will there be DOG on the menu?

If you can make a donation of any amount today, you'll be automatically entered to win two tickets to New York to join us.

You mean if I give money to that jack-a$$ who is wrecking the country, I might win a trip to NEW YORK CITY, and hobnob with a bunch of leftist snobs? Where do I sign?

Just before Election Day in 2008, I went to an Obama campaign office in New York and called some undecided voters.

So what you're telling me is that you helped destroy this country. You must be proud.

I believed then, as I do now, that if we all chipped in and did our part. we would not only make history, but create meaningful change that so many Americans needed.

You know who else made history and created meaningful change? Adoph Hitler.

For me, this election is even more important than 2008.

That is why we're doing what we can to vote that corrupt, narcissistic jerk out of the White House.

As a woman, a mother, and an entrepreneur, I need to believe our country can be a place where everyone has a fair shot at success.

Do you really believe the crap that's coming out of your mouth?

This November's election will determine whether we get to keep moving forward, or if we're forced to go back to policies that ask my middle-class family in Ohio to carry the burden--while people like me, who don't need tax breaks, get extra help.

OH, COME OFF IT, YOU BRAIN-DEAD, CLUELESS AIRHEAD!  Your precious child dictator Obama is a cruel, malicious corruptocrat, who despises everything that  makes America great. To any normal, informed American, His Presidency resembles a foreign occupation.

I'm hosting this event on June 14th because there is so much at stake this year, and I want to keep doing what I can.

So I take it that you haven't had enough economic destruction, corruption, kow-towing to dictators, crapping on our allies, and non-stop lying.

I hope you'll help me welcome President Obama and the First Lady to New York.

You really don't have a clue just how angry the American people are with this clown  defiling the Presidency, do you?

It should be fabulous.

Do you know what will be fabulous? November 6 will be fabulous, when the American people get to give the communist agitator the boot.

Donate $3 or whatever you can to be automatically entered to win:

I don't want to be automatically entered. That sounds painful. I'm sure your weird Hollywood friends don't mind being automatically entered.

Hope to see you there,

You can keep hoping until doomsday, horse face.

Sarah Jessica

Neigh. Have a carrot.

John Edwards Thanks The Jury

"Thank you, everybody. I want to thank the jury for their dedication to justice. My legal team felt secure that I had not committed any crime. Sure, I am guilty of cheating on my dying wife, and hiding my mistress and love child. I'm also guilty of spending far too much time on my hair, but the facts speak for themselves.

I did not commit the crime that I was accused of. I did not use political contributions to commit campaign fraud.

I would also like to thank the photographer who took the terrific mug shot of me back when I was arrested. I cannot recommend him enough.

heh heh....A reporter just said 'John Edwards, you've just been acquitted. What are you going to do next?'

Ahm going to Disney World with Juror number three. Thank you.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Save Us, Nanny Bloomberg!

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg stands, looking out the window of his city hall office like a bored superhero. There's no crime in Gotham anymore, and every pothole has been filled. For Supermayor, balancing the city's budget is a snap.

Nanny Bloomberg has found a new villain. On Thursday, Supermayor proposed a ban on large, sugary drinks.  While this proposal has been met with widespread derision, inspiring #hashtag games on Twitter, The Mayor is determined to improve the health of all New Yorkers.

But, his detractors would rather speak of silly notions, such as liberty and free choice. Some even have the nerve to say that it's none of Nanny Bloomberg's business.

Get with it, people! New Yorkers are just too fat, and your wonderful Mayor wants to save you from your incorrect food choices. Government is always right. Learn it, Love it, live with it. Hey, that could be a slogan on a t-shirt.

He was right about salt, and he's right about 16-ounce sugary drinks.

As long as those twin evil-doers, fructose and carbonation, exist to threaten the wellness of New Yorkers, Super mayor will have to keep fighting.

Of course, he will need some help to stay ahead of these villains. The RedSquirrel Report has learned that Mayor Bloomberg will form a task force to combat the criminal element from getting around this ban.

Perhaps the Mafia will try to open Big Gulp Speakeasies.

Facebook May Lay Off It's Entire 'Pokes' Division

There was so much interest and wonder for the investors of Facebook before the company went public, the experts predicted that the Initial Public Offering could be the biggest in history.

But since it's May 18 IPO, the stock has lost a quarter of it's value. When CEO Mark Zuckerberg rang the opening bell on May 18, the price of one share of Facebook stock started at $38. After an underwhelming start, it has since performed poorly.  On Friday, a share ended the day at $27.72

As Zuckerberg and his backers, Morgan Stanley sweat out the possibility of a class action lawsuit by angry investors, there is the distinct possibility Facebook may have to cut costs.

There are over 100,000,000 people with a Facebook account, yet few pay very much attention to the ads. While knowing that the class bully is now bald and overweight is fun to know, that hardly translates to a healthy stock value.

And so, this company may be forced to lay some of it's employees off. We asked The RedSquirrel Report's economic contributor about this possibility, and she said that Facebook will probably start by laying off their 'pokes' division.

Face-Eating Drug Zombies? I'm Hoping This Is Just A Fad

Last Saturday (May 27), a man in Florida was seen eating another man's face. The police was called, and they had to shoot the naked, drug-crazed 'zombie' at least six times when he attacked them. The cannibal was later identified as Rudy Eugene (pictured).

Eugene was using a drug known as 'bath salt'. It can cause wild hallucinations, and a user can become violent. This powerful drug can also cause the user's body to overheat, which is why a user may remove their clothing.

It was the Memorial Day week-end. While America was thinking about fallen soldiers, Rudy Eugene must have been observing 'National Eat Somebodies Face Off Day'.

In Canada, it is believed that gay porn star Luka Rocco Magnotta has mailed dismembered body parts to political officials. One political advisor to Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper found a severed foot inside the bloodstained box. Nobody knows where Magnotta is. Let's hope that Dudley Do-Right and the boys can track down this psycho.

We're not sure what drugs Luka Rocco Magnotta is on.

The zombie apocalypse party continued on Thursday, when Maryland student Alexander Kinyua killed his roommate Kujoe Agyei-Kodie, eating his brain AND heart.

What the hell is going on here, with these face-eating drug zombies running around and whack-jobs mailing dismembered body parts? I hope that this is just a fad.